Bitter sweet victory! (by Lane)

As I sit here and write, I can't help but notice this extremely tiny wheelchair sitting next to our sofa.  "Yes! It's finally here," was our first thought.  Excitement, anticipation and curiosity were my emotions from earlier this afternoon.  But as I sat and watched Noah learn and explore his new "toy" (22" tall at the top of the back support), my heart completely broke and tears started flowing.
"This is what my son has to live with for the rest of his life."  "God, why did this happen after everything we had to go through just to see his smiling face?"  "Will they find a cure in time so that he can have a chance to walk?"  "Will he EVER be able to walk?"  These were and are my thoughts after seeing him sit in this absolute marvel of engineering and technology.  My emotions quickly changed.  Anger, frustration, bitterness, and complete sadness.  These were now filling every fiber of my being.

But then something happened...as he was sitting there holding the wheels just rocking back and forth, he let go after a forward push.  He looked at us as if he was saying, "What happened?"  Then he did it again and this time the biggest smile came over his face.  It was if he knew "Now I can actually go somewhere."  It was like he knew this was his ticket to mobility.

I'm excited to see how he does over the next few days, but at the same time I know it is going to be hard to watch.  On top of everything else, two weeks from today, we have to box it up and ship it back to the distributor (it is only a two week demo).  Then new questions will arise, "How do we pay one of these?"  "How long will it be before he can have his own?"

But until then, all I can do....no, all WE can do is take it one victory, or defeat, at a time.

Figured it out.........